This morning I had short sitting session, than came breakfast with my Mom, who was frustrated because of her husband who "should" be kind to her and not leave without saying where he left. So, I was listening to almost never ending complains, how bad he is, how imature he is, how unresponsible he is, how always he was like that ect. I was watching my own judgements about her:"she shouldn't be like this, she is sick, she has problem with herself ect." Since that is not a first time I encounter similar behaviour I was trying just to be the space of awareness for all this, not to argue with her, not to judge her verbally, althought I noticed it was kind of impossible for me to stop my inner judgement. After while there were moments of awareness and she catched herself like:"oh, I am doing this again, I shall stop ect." But, since here the habit is very strong mind has a tendency to go back to it. After some more time I noticed I felt really discomfortable with listening and escaped to my room, I noticed also that most of the time I was avoiding eye contact with her. Despite my good intentions unconsciusly I was isolating myself and avoiding her, her heavy complains ect. Few days ago I got CD's from my friend Ela and there is one with "Loving What Is" of Byron Katie. Since I was dreaming about Katie next day after I got the CD's I thought:"It might be a good idea to listen again to her", this morning occurence was so much similar to this what she is talking about. And I did listen to the the first chapter, again went throught the trills of her own awakening and by some inspiring stories of healing. Somehow I feel tired to do the work, but if I feel that my Mom should do it, then perhaps it is time to do it myself :) And when it comes to reality we have now so much snow here, the biggest snowfall ever in Pcim, ever I remember, looks so amazingly beautiful and mysterious, for some it is also a reason to do "thework", hahhahahahahaaa :)
Love & Light
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