Eco Village continuation...

hi :)


Long time, no write. Well, it is sensitivity to computer
and no so much time. I am still in the eco-village, since
today I was working all the time on the farm, but tomorrow
I will start full week in the vegetable garden. With meditation
it is strange, I guess I again had too much of it in connection
with one hour computer and then for two days I was a bit
out of balance. There is also continuation of the inquiry,
I had one unpleasant situation with one person and
it was about the money. This situation was painful
enought that I had to do "the work" again. So, it is
combination of meditation and "the work" which works
the best at this time. I moved yesterday to new dormitory
which is more comfortable. Still I sometimes have the
doubts if i shall stay here longer, because there is not
really spiritual focus here althought it is very close to
it and Montessori school is definitely part of it.


"Wise tree"

Wooden wall, resembling empty space
Green, greening, grand
Embracing leaves, yellow, brown, golden
Red, crimson, silouette tars
Devour the sound, bypassing the road

Water streaming, up and down
Feet on the ground, slippery space
Clouds of knowing, hanging and going
Christmass coming, wind blowing...
Movement, rest, breath...faster, slower
It is beautiful, colourful, rich
Disambled by the notion of past
Avoiding your eyes, trying to hold.

Feel warm, feel free
Feel the wise tree.

In the mirror

"In the mirror"

Boats, rivers floating, green, deep

Stones...white in grey...grey in black

Sunshine. Breathtaking impression.

Eagles fly...sounds emerge...one step closer

Climbing to the top, nestling in this

Joking, floating...helping hand...smiles

Faces...lots of faces...kind, unknown, glimpses

Open your eyes, close them...far reach

Of heaven sake. Bouncing mountains

Rising and falling...smells of goats

Dance on the rocks...where can I see

The light? In your eyes? In a mirror?

° ° °

This is a kind of impression already from

south of France - Hammeau de Buis. I wrote

it maybe two weeks ago. For the rest I am

slowly feeling comfortable here, still I have to

watch out with too much meditation and too

little food, but somehow it is ok and I really like

to walk with goats, which I did today. Most interesting

are people but somehow there is so much of them

that it is a bit difficult to focus and go a bit deeper,

nonetheless Thy will be done, so it has to happen

anyway :)

love & Light

Being on the childeren farm

hello :)


I gave up idea of typing all my poetry
here, it is just too much work, so it will
be ocasionally when I feel that it is something
really special or whatever...

Here is internet link to the place where I
stay now:

http://www.la-ferme-des-enfants.com/

I am learning the work and more importantly,
childeren and parents. This week I have schedule
so it is easier for me to plan a bit my time, not
that I am big fun of planning, but it is good to
know what is my responsibility here and what
is optional.

This place is not strictly spiritual, but many
spiritual people are here, so that is not bad.
I mean this in a sense of focus, because in other
meaning every place cn be spiritual. I had short
meditation this morning, it was good. In my
weekly schedule I walk with goats three times
and in this time frame I can be much alone,
sit in meditation, sing holy songs, do some
yoga ect. I even once tried dancing, but this
was too funny for goats and they refused to
eat, they looked at me with wonder and surprise.

After that event I gave up dancing with goats :)

Today is raining but most days is here sunny,
close by is wonderful river in which I swam
already twice or perhaps three times. So, the
combination is: beautiful nature, childeren which
are educated in alternative way - Montessori
way, farm and nice, eco people.

I had some bad dreams few times, didnt know
what was the case but my guess was combination
of too much computer nd not enought food, but
also maybe sometimes too much food :)

It seems that food is great here and it is easy
to overeat. I still feel that there is too much
people for my taste and I have to find my own
space, nonetheless once you know this place
a bit better it is possible.

What I am exactly doing so far? Well - milking
goats, walking with goats, feeding chickens,
feeding pigs, walking with two ponies, some
of those activities are with kids, some are not.
Then three times in week we have workshops
with childeren, today we were painting/drawing,
other days - gardening, ponies, compost, until
not that's it. That is official part, the other part -
talking with people and feeling their energy,
learning french, searching for other possibilities,
places, playing piano (one of the favorites, piano
is really good here :), writing poetry, writing to
my Mom, drawing, singing, joking...yes, I miss
a bit dancing but here now it is not so easy, for
me it is difficult to dance without music. Maybe
when I will start some workshops with childeren
it will be possible...

Coming to inner body - it is deepening the same
way, I still feel it harder and kind of dark on the
left arm, but it is like water passing or drops
falling into cup, suddenly it is full and you dont
know when it has happened. So, invisible, slow
process is very gentle and very powerful in the
end.

Resently I met very nice woman who is for
already 10 years working with Vietnamese
master Thin Thah Than or something like
this - probably you know, the one who started
"Plume Village" not far from Bordoux...

For today this are the news from France -
Hameau des Buis, Ardeche, not far from
Vallence.


take Care

Embrace

More poems, well, I want to type all
this into the website, so that it is not
lost and also there is possibility of sharing.


"Embrace"

Embrace me with your quality
Embrace me with your solitude
Embrace me with your lightness

And there is no time to say it right
And no time to make it just

Justification, coleration, memory zones
Do you want to listen? Do you want to play?

Embrace me with thy tenderness
Embrace me with thy flowerness
Until now will be forever
Until time will be whatever...

Embrace me with thy mystery
Until the leaves fall apart
Until the summer is about to pass
Until you hear the sacred dust

Be a melody, be a reverie
Be a dream I once new

Be the seen and the seing

Peu etre

Today I will type some more poems which are
still waiting in my notebooks to be shared,
they were written few months ago, still - it
is quite fresh:

"Peu etre"

Peu etre, this and the rest
Retrospection, reframed by divissions
Sublime surfacing, satisfaction granted

One and the other, holding each other
In solitude, in density, in darkness
Drown down to the bottom of that lake
Blue lake, blue deep

Deeper then sorrow, deeper then rain
Down the hollow, down the grain
Secondary perturbation, human nation

Visionary sparkling of space-continum
Solving the resolving of solutions
Sacred cording, coordination beyond the doubts
Frictions of eclipse

Furtermore then expected, ballons
Belly dance, tango, tangerines and...
And what? What is surprising?

Passage of time? Timeless past?
Particles and the dust? Decorations?
Masquerades? Mellow melodies?
Mutual connections? Rejections? Tears?
Turbulence, tranquility, inwardness?

Be it the same, be it the game
Grand in grace, graceful in space
A real Mother calling from the depths
Of love.

Love.

No more to say.


"Why not?"

Lines infinite, small, curled, frequent
Sounds of morning, mist reborn
Birds, collisions, sunrise, coldness

Each moment being itself
Your face, your eyes, your hair
Your smile in the garden
Flowers, orange, blue, saphire, crimson
Seeds of sacred union in the void of silence

In the space of road passage
Swinging, swaying, sweetly felt
Fresh, young, divine, destined to arise

Drops again, watery smell, waste of time
How old is the sound? How old is this and that?
Just scratching, just..

Head, heart, bones, legs...diverse
Started to move...gather together
In the name of one. One colour
One taste, one dream, one memory

Why not?

The Song

"The Song"


Butterflies wake up in the mist
I am restless to meet them
Between the self suficient solace
And dancing wind of change

I like to travel to the heart of I
Where the clouds of blue
Become the gold
Storms turn into sweet rain
Dissolving the pain of an lifetimes.

Come closer, let me see you
Again as the truth, radiance and the jazz
That is something to pass
On and on infinitely
Until the love is filled
With smiles and flies.

Belonging to the fresh grass
It just grows as some people say
So, say it again and play thy game.

Play it! Play it with all your heart
In multitude of sound and ambiance
In graceful deliverance

Run into the lords of silence
Where the dance is plenty
And stillness sublime

Just increadible dream...


"Evening quiet"


Dim night and the stars. I saw your face
Oceans, moon, whispering voice.
Little light...some quiet purple.

Clouds, whitespread into the future
Watering our hearts...watering
More and more

Until it is filled with...
Eyes of joy, green leaves
Infinite finity
Words which cant speak

Evening quiet...quiet song
Sharing of something. Something...
Sweet, serene, sacred.

Inner into outer, no boundaries
Sky full of diamonds
Full of meaning...gazing
On itself...kindly
Without discription

Without distinction...empty
Red leaves, roses, reminiscence of...
Dark herbs...frameless...fearless

Free...to be, almost fractal
Silence and the lips
Yellow stones and the kiss

Traveling forward in no-motion
Expressing simple emotions
Being awake...being born...being.

Cross

"Cross"

Wide spread. Very wide indeed.
And in reality. Forests, fields of yellow.
Meeting with broom and brave.

Night...sounds, echoing the drawing.
Surplus quietude, pulsating solitude.
Lovely and sweet...so close to the...

Moving unmovingly. Points, more of them.
Like a net. Infinitely fine.
Orange and purple and the rest.
Peaceful quest. Queitly shimmering.
Shocking by its own innocence. Fresh,
Like freedom just discovered. Evening
In the garden. Granted the place. Nothing
To please. Just the...

Hiss. More words...they dance to escape
The pen. No need to simulate. Sound of silence.

Jouney to France again

hi Friends :)


I thought that maybe hitch-hiking to France
will take two days maximum but in reality from
Gent it took me four days to get there, it was
quite hard and I had to kind of fight to keep
going, twice I was sleeping in the tent close
to gas station and last night very nice man -
Claude has invited me to his house in Lyon
for sleep and food.

Anyhow I have made it to small eco-village
in the south of France, first impression was
of beauty and insecurity at the same time, because
I didnt got reply from them about my coming
and possibilities here. I trusted the words of
my friend Johan and the work we did with
Alina - decision based on the feeling in the body
by somebody else - part of Hellinger methode.

She said, it feels like flowers, so I trusted the
flowers. I can already feel the warmth of climate
here, thats realy different then in Belgium and
the beauty of nature is much more apparent.

When it comes to inner body the process is going
on, last night probably because of stress I didnt
sleep well, but this morning I took warm shower
and could quite rest while walking and more
sleeping. So, I guess slowly I am accomodating to
new environment and this morning important
event was when I played piano, my pain body
was opening and tears came...

There is many ways to heal, some are just by
being surendered with beauty, some are even
not to be expected, not to be known beforehand.

I will write one more poem here, this one was
written still in other part of France when I was
working with Dina:

"Child"

Beauty and the sea, streaming
Waves pulsating with vibrancy of...
Seaguls dripping the feathers of...
Drops of salt melting in the sun

Dance again your eagle
Dissolve the solutions into...
Far reach of heavens smoke

Forgive the past, realease the last
Transfigure the love of...

Enjoy the doubt, green fields of...
Be empty and filled with...
Something closer to the heart
Sorunder between the worlds

Of darkness and the plums
Criss-cross the caress...swim
Instant recognition, instant being

Wind at the sea, modulations
Gentleness and the light
Nestling in between the love-lines

Short-cut the borders to the
Outmost ourageous sublimation of
Peace...points and pottery of life
Be the self, you are nonetheless
Some place, some time, always

Dreams and the colosal ambition
Of nothing to see, nothing to become
Just this and this again
Like waves, like sea gulfs
Like ocean, serenity of wordless

Conversation. Seen, seing, singing
Quietude of lifetimes, breath of foremost
Forgotten finality...

Greater, bigger, kinder...
A child.

Some more poems

"Crack"

Some purple silence, some move
Unexpected by the sun

After the meeting point
Before the circling
Tears came, flowing lovingly
Tenderness and the grace - movingly.

Spark me down to the beat of water.
Disperse me into ocean of your sound
Let me be the space between stones and flowers

Green-wide, ever changing, free
Recapture the bounty of leaves
Snake the shape of unknowing
Be the bird which wakes up

To the morning of yellow
Be the wind and the hand
That is wide-spread over the land
Lords of the past

Ricks and raps, removing the blue
Into the rue de avalanche
Into the voidness of transvission
Wider, wider then the screen
Masure by masure, golden tresure

Peace makers in coffe stores
Stereotypes and willow dronnes
Abrease - abrest - abolished in
The canyons of knowing

Regard the everlasting, lush the tards of blush
Be the mush which is forgiveness

Nestling in the heart
To hard to crack?


"Crescent"

Few drops of light
Give me a night
Few smells of regret
Give me a prize
Few colors of forgetfulness
Give me a yellow stone
Few inches of collission
Give me the bottle of wine
Few pieces of holiness
Give me the roses

And I will, I will
Promise you in the side
Of it all...become

Like nothing ever happened
Like empty sky
Like a dimond.


"Ever-after-rain"

Rainforest melting in the heart
Of life...aboundant with smelling pots
Aside from the hibiscus tea
To orchestrate migration scalons
To refill the sacred cohesions
To bounce back to the doorless
Dormitory of light and lightness

Pearls in cacao cake...spontaneous
Filtration, water-marks and emblems
Brave chemistry of nothing exceptional
Multitude of noise in the storeless
Abolision, reborn to be sad
Reborn to be renewed of sound

Flickering fires ablaze, distinctions
Being the splits of seconds...
Being the bone of heaven to
Corespond endlessly to the meaning with
The meat.

Solitude and flowers, flees of flight
Foremost freaky of its own flowering

And again I see the sunrise, like in old
Good days, when everything and no-thing
Was ok.

Remedies dispersing in the ocean
Let it be so...

Poetry

hi :)


I wrote quite much poetry in last three months and
somehow didnt have time to share it, so now I do little
trial to fill that gap:


"Emblems of love"

Little letters, drops sleaping by
Slight coherence, forms emerging
Quietude of the evening, sleepy rain
Coldness and warmth mingling between
Each other...like two birds on the sky
Wind and the sun catching the meaning of their
Conversation. Listen carefuly, gently.

Flowers appear like from a dream
Divinity and the roses, white and pink
Red and sacred. Waterfalls...

Whispering in far corner of our hearts
Green leaves fill you with invisible bounty
Touching your legs and hips
Breath deeper, be quiet
Time seems only to beat. But in where
Is his circle? Close your eyes...open them

Colors play like in dance, let them do as they will
The thrill of the morning, secrecy of night
Emblems of love on white paper. Can you write?
Do you still listen?

Rainbow gathering

Hello friends :)


Long time - no write. Well, when you are traveling much
it is difficult sometimes to get to the internet and espacially
when you are on things like rainbow gathering. It was in
Belgian forests, close to french border and close to Luxemburg.

My very good friend - Alina invited me there after we separated
with Dina, since I had time, no money and no other idea I said
yes. Now it is over and we are back in Gent, so I can from this
perspective say what it was like, what has happened and how
it felt.

First, I had and still do resistance to the material discomfort,
we were sleeping in a tent and there was no toilets, just kind
of 'shit pit'. If you wanted to wash your clothes or your body
you had to do it in the river which was usually cold, but still
I managed to do it three or four times in period of two weeks.
With clothes it wasnt working anyway because it was not
allowed to use soap in the river for eco purposes. What was good?

Well, lots of beautiful, open people, who live alternative lifestyles,
mostly traveling, many art people and of course spiritual people too.
Fire was burning almost all the time and was kind of center of the
gathering, there we ate together food twice a day. Gathering was
supported by the means of 'magic hat' which means you can give
what you have and want to give. I loved the beauty of place, wild
forest, silence and morning sunshine spreading on the leaves and
water. I loved dancing and singing, sometimes music was better
then in other times because rotation of people on such an event is
quite big, some come just for an evening, others just for one day,
some for all the month.

With relations nothing happened so far, I had some expectations
that maybe my friend would be interested but it seems that she
likes me precisely because I don't have them - or didnt have them
in the past. There was many hugs, some cold, uncomfortable nights,
some friendly hands - I got tent and jacket from one friend and
warm sweater from another. We did some healing singing in a circle
which I liked very much and felt it inside my body very good, it
was to sing name of person which was laying in the middle of the
circle to give her/him attention and presence conected with sound.

Like for me there was still too much cigaretes and grass but yeah,
these are mostly hippie, earth people, you cant expect always
perfection :)

Now, being in some university computer depot I consider to
look for some work in Gent or go soon to France again to some
center where they also help childeren, somehow I had difficulty
to find their website on the net, so maybe my choice becomes
more and more limited.

In any case, let the love rules!

Back in Belgium

Hi again


This time I write from Belgium, famous middle-age town
Gent. Am at this moment in the small room with my friend
Lander. Came back from France few days ago. There was
one more very important outpouring and it was totally not
to be expected. I wanted to dance but the music set didnt
work and I started to sing instead. Then already some tears
came, the singing was totally spontanous, it wasnt any mantra
but some words came, some more tears came. I remember that
somehow I was asking in my singing for tears and trust. But the
most of that came when I was a bit tired and I stopped singing
I fell on my side on the floor and then really big crying started,
even a bit of yelling or some sounds simillar to that. Then I went
to sleep some more, dont know how long. It seems that this was
somehow connected with falling in love to one girl which just
left the same day, but it is also possible that she was just an
impulse for opening the big wound which is healing already
for last 8 years or so. Funny part is that I don't really know
but I feel the difference and am grateful for greater opening
of heart.

Another important event in France took place when we were
just about to leave with Dina. Suddenly she started to be really
nervous and angry and she poured at me all the stuff she wanted
to express, the thing was about the part that I dont have money
and dont take enought responsibility, that my work is not good
and that I dont want to work. Althought I indeed could give this
impression that day I felt that I doo too much for her and I am
not paid for it and therefore it is not my obligation. We agreed
on 4 hours of work just for food and sleep and I had a feeling
that altogether I did more than that out of free will, just because
I liked what she did and I wanted to support that. So, we both
somehow were frustrated and didnt meet each-other expectations.

Well, for me it was ok until that blow of anger from her side.
I even considered leaving next morning alone to some other
center but somehow I didnt feel strong enought to do it. Then
after difficult night I did 'the work' on her and what came was
that 'I am controling her by not having money', starting thought
was 'she controls me by the money'. After our journey to Belgium
this situation repeated once more but with not such a big intensity.

For me it was a signal that I have to leave and so the same day
I took all my things and went to Lis, somebody I already met
in this dancing course. I could sleep there and rest, take shower
and take some distance to this what has happened last days.

But the most beautiful was that we said goodbuy as friends, I
thanked her for the anger which is nonetheless just my own
projection to show me some parts of me which I would like to
keep in darkness.

After wonderful day with Lis and her family I went to Sara, who
I also met on the dancing course, but the one I was participating in.
She was happy to see me but also she was a bit in such a space that
didnt like to have somebody for the night, nonetheless she helped me
with telephones, maps, bus ticket and some little money. We had
nice talk and I promised her to let her know how is going with me
further.

After that meeting I went to fill form in IrishPub in Bruges, the funny
part is that I was already working there maybe six years ago or so. It
is not sure yet but if my spiritual job now is to do some work and be
paid for it, that can be the next step, I just signed for part time work.
That is one thing I consider another is to hitch-hike or get somehow
to the center of Ammachi in France. What keeps me here is on one side
more friends which I have here and on the other side possibility of
grounding by work which is easier for me to do here since I speak quite
well dutch. There is also possibility of some relationships which are kind
of hanging in the air, parhaps I am ready now to explore them and open
my heart to them, which before I considered impossible. I have those
thoughts sometimes that it is just temptation but on the other hand it
seems that last two months or so I learned a lot about sexuality, mostly
just by honest talking with people. But still the guiding thought is - this
day belongs to You Father or Holy Mother if you like :)

So, it is to fallow the Mystery and serve it with all my heart and soul.
Let the love be one. And let the flowers grow, in the garden, in the garden,
in the garden...



take Care

Dancing Course

Hello        Finally I can write some more about the event.   It was righter small by number of people, but that   had its own advantages. There was some shamanism   in it, like for instance when we had to connect with   our guiding animals. For me the best was trying to   connect with emotions inside the body by movement   and dance. There wasnt much technics or structure,  basic idea was that you listen to your body and mind  and then you are moving spontaneously with it, some  noise can come, some movement might be made ect.    Then we did also few exercises where support of group  was necessary like in awareness of touch, where all the  people were working for you to open your body. From dance  itself we learned a bit of tango. There were some elements  of zen like when there was group walking in the space only  after straight lines, here the task was to listen to yourself  and at the same time to the group, what happens in the space.    We did also some exercises by eye contact and watching your  mind in the process. Then we had to dance it as the expression  of that what we saw. At the end of the course I made some  warrior dance and friend of Dina was very impressed by it. I was  a bit tired    Nonetheless after all the week it felt that I am more present in the  body and people from this event agreed to this. There wasn't any major  breakthru that I would be torn into few hours of crying but something  subtle has taken place and two days after the course or so I was  dancing alone to the music from Amelie Poulen and suddenly that  strong emotien came and I started to cry, so far that was one of the  most beautiful moments in France. So, I am still here and try to dance  every day if possible but also I can see that even here I have to be  careful that the process doesnt happen to fast because then the same  symptoms appear like bad sleep in the night and difficulties with  energy, sort of too much presence in the body and it cant take it.    I already had few nights like this here. But it was better than in Poland  and the intensity of unbalance is not so strong anymore. There is still  a bit of sitting meditation in the morning.    Dina did twice for me some reiki for the kidneys for she noticed I have  kind of weak under eyes and also I felt little pain there when for instance  I was dancing too much and too hard. Today and yesterday we were  swimming outside, quite beautiful place, not too much people and I could  feel that water has calming influence on the blockages in the subtle body.    Being gentle is very important next to it being patient and the other comes  even more difficult in my case, the fire is burning inside to unlash the flame  of the eternal. Fire burns inside to abolish difficulties and obstacles but there  is also wisdom growing and the water calms me down to bring balance  and softness where impulses are exploding for its own fulfillment. Love is a  cycle which you cant stop but you can try very hard    So, somehow i notice and notice again where and how I am doing it, if ever.  Let it be for now. Be in love with love my friend. Nothing less, nothing more.  And dont forget to breathe               love                  Jakub

Being in France

Much changes, much movements. To pursue deeper
inner connection I went to Belgium to help my
friend Lander and his mom Dina. Dina just started
to build spiritual community in the middle of France,
not far from Tours. After some work in Bruges I landed
in France where I am supporting her in this new flowering
of consciousness. And in the same time I am being supported
on the way. It is very quiet here, there is also great feeling of
space. I am working in the kitchen and in the garden. From
the two I prefer garden but kitchen work has more to do with
people and that is good part of it :)

This sunday Dina gives course of awareness in the movement
for people, it will take about 5 days. Perhaps I will be able to
write some more about it in the next postcard :)


lots of Love

Tensions in the Body

 Hi :)

   Recently I read Alexander Lowen's book "Love,

Sex and the Heart". Since I head some heart problems

 already in childhood it was interesting topic

 for me. He is analyzing there conection between

emotional, sexual life and condition of your heart.

Most interesting was observation that tensions are

 usually in the area of the back, neck, jaw and the

 chest. When it is in the area of the back and arms

 together with jaw - that is unexpressed agression.

 He calls it "monkey on your back". Advises some

 specific exercises to reliese the tension from that

 area. Punching the pillow or rolled blanket seems to

 work good. What I found also helpful is rolling

 blanket and putting it under my chest then lying

 on the yoga mat on the floor, that is almost like

 "fish position" in yoga but a bit more gentle. He is

 saying that especially man have problem with

 learning to cry and that crying is the best cure.

 Sometimes it takes even years to learn that because

 we have been so conditioned to belive it is not

 courageous or sign of weakness. With tension in

 the jaw I try to bite some material and that also

 helps to relax that area. He says that is somebody

 has tension in the belly then kicking the materace

 might help. And everywhere there he advices deep,

 relaxed breathing. It took him few years to learn

 crying, my experience with meditation and other

 inner practices is the same that embodiment of

 realization takes time and deep wounds need

 gentleness and patience to be healed. I don't agree with

 his focus on sexuality however there were some

 interesting observations which definitely give some

 light on that topic. To end this article I give a little poem

 I wrote yeterday:

 "Emblems of Love"

 Little letters, drops sleaping by

 Slight coherence, forms emerging

 Quietude of the evening, sleepy rain

 Coldness and warmth mingling between

 Each other...like two birds in the sky.

 Wind and the sun catching the meaning

 Of their conversation. Listen carefuly. Gently.

 

  Flowers appear like from a dream.

 Divinity and the roses. White and pink.

 Red and sacred. Waterfalls...

 Whispering in far corner of our hearts.

 Green leaves fill you with invisible bounty.

 Touching your legs and lips. Breath deeper.

 Be quiet. Time seems only to beat. But in where

 Is his circling? Close your eyes...open them.

 Colors play like in dance. Let them do as they will.

 The trill of the morning. Secrecy of night. Emblems

 of love on white paper. Can you write? Do you still

 listen?

     take Care :) 

The Process

 What is happening now? Well, it is kind of finding safe

 balance between the flow of Energy and ability to deal

 with its influences. This morning I had 20 minutes of

 meditation and feel good. However there were few

 days when I had two meditation sessions during

 the day ( 20 and 15 minutes ) and that was close to

 being too much, like I had lots of stuff in the body

 during the night time and couldn't sleep. Right now

 one session in the morning seems to be enought and

 the flow is bearable. When I listen to Gangaji or Adya

 or anybody else in that box, that makes the system

 very sensitive and is in itself sort of intense meditation.

 So, the word I am using here  relates to the sitting

 meditation, lets say with closed eyes althought

 sometimes I sing and that can be with eyes closed

 or not. When you start meditation practice after some

 time you can't avoid it, it is like water flowing in a

 stream. So, during the day when I don't sit the process

 is going on, I feel that Energy in the body moving to

 different places. Of course whan mind is really busy

 with something external than for short period there

 might not be the awareness of inner body. But is not

 like this that you can stop Life, stop movement of life

 force inside and outside, some might consider suicide

 for that matter but that is still illusion that you are

 doing it. What else "I am doing" during the day?

 Recently, since this body become very sensitive to

 computer I am reading some more books (now it is some

 book by Victor Hugo) and listening to music appart from

 walking outside, taking care for dog and cats, washing

 dishes, starting the fire in the stove. We use wood now,

 a bit bought from one man from Pcim and a bit from

 forest itself. I enjoyed a lot new green leaves on the

 plants, spring is coming with wonderful force and

 being lucky to wake up early this morning could see

 amazing sun rising from the east of our house, the

 sun came to cover the branches and image was one

 of wonder and astonishment. Katie says that waking

 up is like loosing the moon but I like them both :)

 Heat of the sun and coolness of the moon, on the

 evening Pcim's sky you can see droplets of stars

 stirring its imagination and their sister moon

 glimpsing the deepest mystery. "Let love be one"

 she sings yawning before sleep. And I put my head

 to the pillow feeling its soft and warm embrace.

 Lets fall into mySelf. Deep into the lake of unknown

 where the limit is the limitless expanssion and the

 sky is the sea of ecstatic beauty.

       lots of love 

 

Kundalini Again

 Photo by: Aussiegall 

 

 Well, they call it kundalini, some others call it Holy Spirit, still some others Spirit of God or Shakti ect. Name is not so much important, more this what it is and eventually what to do with this. Probably if you are into spiritual life for some time already, you know that it is energy in your body which is suppose to rise from your root chakra to the top of the head. Last night had difficulty to sleep and there was much of this kundalini, my approch to this is very simple:"let me not interfere and let it does its job". Of course when you are sensitive, you will notice that certain things will help in swift movement of that energy and some others might be disruptive and come in the way. Like for instance shower or bath helps in this process, so is the healthy, vegetarian diet. It seems that drinking much water also is recommended. Walking in the nature or being in the nature might have good influence too. I was watching my mind while it was happening because I realized that despite all of this advancements in the body it is still my thinking that can create stess and needs to be questioned. Aha, some people say that kundalini is actually only this part of the process where this movement gets to the root chakra and starts to move upwards because at least in my case the Spirit started to descend from above the head and moving lower, but of course that is a matter of definition and I don't belive that it is of great importance.When our peace is concerned it really is secondary. Perhaps what is needed is kind of trust that this Energy or you can call it God is doing the best for you and everything will be fine in the end. I read recently about Katie Davis that after her initial awakening it took 12 years for the body to integrate it. Adyashanti was writing that even after his "final awakening" this energy was cleaning things in the body for 2 or 3 years and some kind of deepening took place, so let me be open and not know what this is and what it means.

        love

   

Last Weekend

Photo by: Tinyfroglet 

 This last weekend I again had break from computer, not to count watching movie with my younger brother. It was hard to resist. Saturday I was not meditating, but meditation was happening anyway, when I came back from the shop I felt a bit tired and lied down, then I started to feel much movement in the body of energy, I was crying and laughting, this lasted maybe an hour or so. When I stood up I felt much lighter and kind of very happy. This energy was doing something on my left arm, but also on the back of my head and in other places. Sunday I had some little meditation and was reading some book by C.S.Lewis "Horse and His Boy", it was quite interesting, much fantasy and adventures. Outside it was very wet weather, slippery roads and muds everywhere, so it didn't feel like going anywhere, but I did went to the church with my younger brother, just to make some walk. He was baking for us some cake and was talking a story of his last dream, then he was smiling and I saw a great beauty in his face. Last night sleep was very good. Today morning had again short meditation. Still, my left side of the body feels heavy (especially around neck and ear), but it takes time for healing to take place. During those days I was looking for stressful thoughts to do eventually "the work" on it, but most of the time I was aware of the feeling in the body and not of the thoughts. OK, so be it. I notice, notice, notice.

      be the Love :)

 

Death and Responsibility

Photo by: Blmurch 

 This was last audio with Katie on this CD which I got from my friend. Very short but heavy case, man couldn't live any more with his wife and left her, then after 3 months she asked him to help him with some paper work, he came, then after helping her she shot herself. I am not sure about the details, but the point was that he had terrible guilt feelings because he belived that he could do something to avoid it. Yes, this was intense session, but nonetheless he finally saw that he couldn't do better and that death of his wife wasn't his responsibility. He found peace within himself and with his wife in his head and heart. Katie said that only horror is in our heads and perhaps this lady really did the best she could, because she didn't know the other way to stop the hell inside her mind. Then I started to watch some more videos with her on YouTube, I liked especially the one with two black girls, one was about racism the other about prejudice around the same issue. I will give you the links here:

 Black or White 

 Prejudice

 Maybe you will like one more video, which is about "the work" and the place to which it takes you, she is talking here about her own experience of peace:

Your Kind Nature

In the evening I was listening to some more Gangaji, (being in peace - audio) she was talking about embracing everything the way it is. She often calls that "stopping" where you don't try anymore to change or improve your experience and just are the space for it. She was talking with some man and in one point she said:"this stillness doesn't need for anything to be still" :)

  take Care 

 

Husbands and Wives

I am still going with B.Katie, last session
was about husbands and wives. One man had
story like:"my ex wife lies when she tells
me that she loves me and want's to be with me".
So after some more questions it came that he
would be ecstatic boy without this thought
and looking forward to be left again if she
will find another man :)

The other part was work with a couple who
was in the room, so Katie was giving questions
to both of them simulatously, althought it
was woman who came to the sit and started the
process. Her story was:"My husband should listen
to me" and "He needs to be clear in communication
with me". She was angry and yelling at him when
she belived her story. Because her husband was
sitting next to her and was listening, Katie proposed
that he would say "thank you" to any complain she
is sharing with him, next to it she asked woman to
speak directly to him. At the end of a process she
invited everybody to make exercise with eye contact
and watching what kind of stories are running in our
heads and than ask this question:"who would I be
without my story?". That was some novelty, never heard
about this exercise before. Methapor for this was:"that
is perfect communication, no words are necessary" :)

I did my own work on:"B.Katie is heavy", you probably
guess by now who is heavy, hahahhahahhahaaa :)


love & Light

Byron Katie Again

Yestarday I listened again to Byron Katie, this time it was about "Fathers and the Sons", many different situations but always this issue between parents and the childeren, especially fathers and the sons. It seems to be very old game that parents want their childeren to be happy and succesful and childeren want to be accepted and loved by parents. One man had issue about his son disregard for education and wasting his potential. What came out in the inquiry was that he is wasting his own potential :) What you see is usually your projection, otherwise there is only love. At one point she said something interesting that age is only concept. This day I did short meditation in the morning and later I had a bit energy problems, like little too much tension around head. Last night dream was quite strange: there was somebody, was looking at my eyes and while he looked I felt this scary, huge presence and I felt it above my head, almost kind of exploding my head, then I guess, I got somewhat scared and wake up from the dream, but it wasn't good sleep last night. So, this morning there wasn't sitting meditation. But the spring is knocking on the doors and sun becomes stronger and stronger. Snow is melting, birds start to be more vigourous and alive. There is something very beautiful and pristine in the air.

love & Light

You Are My Projection

Photo by: Mikebaird 

 There was Byron Katie again yestarday in the form of an audio tape with title as stated above. Here comes to my mind the thought which she often repeates:"forgiveness is seeing that what you think has happened, didn't". She was working with three women, all of them had problems with relationships and again and again it came out that they were seeing outside what wasn't there, it was just themselfs. One lady had a lot of grievances to God and Katie was turning that around also on her, like for instance:"God needs to give me intimate realationship, which I asked Him for" turned to "I need to give myself intimate relationship which I asked myself for". Then she was saying that the deeper you go into "the work" the more you see that anybody who comes your way is a perfect mate, because it is yourSelf. When there was issue of sex she just stated that it is enought to be straight and honest:"do you want to have sex with me?" and there is yes or no, if you invite somebody to cinema or restaurant and have this intention to get some more from them, then perhaps that can be manipulation and lack of honesty from your side. Of course five minutes later answer can be different then now, but it is now which is important and integrity and honesty now is the key. Two ladies were crying and it was pitty that I couldn't see it. I felt that video transmission has this advantage over audio that you can see fully emotional comunication happening, for it are not only the words that matter.

      be in Peace

Saturday and Sunday

 Photo by: Linh.ngan 

 I had two days break from internet, my sleep was better because of this. I think it was saturday morning when I was singing some song to Holy Mother and was crying. I felt when Energy which can be probably other name for Holy Spirit went inside my left arm, left side of a neck and I felt how it was dissolving something heavy there. It is not over yet, I am observing that process for last 7 years or so. In those days I was also busy with "the work", some of my stories were:"my mom is perfectionistic","she is manipulative","my dad is greedy","my dad is agressive","he wants money from me","he is fascist" (about one of our neighbours),"it is all the same" (while painting). So, as you can see in this mindstream there is still quite much stressful stories, well, that keeps me busy :)

This morning had again short, silent meditation and feel all right. For the first time since few days there is wonderful sun and full of light, joy, atmosphere outside.

        be the Love

Dream of Enlightenement

Photo by: Alicepopkorn 

 That was the title of another audio with Byron Katie, actually there were 2 parts. She was again cleaning some stories around enlightenement, few of them were:"if I go deeper to the work my teacher will leave me; I hate experience of God because it became a curse; I am angry at all the awake people because they don't want to give it to me; I am angry at all the awake people who got it easily". Then she was speaking about silence in the spiritual communities and silence of the world, silence which is everywhere. When you see that your teacher is the world and you don't limit yourself to some one body you are free. In some point she gave some definition of enlightenement:"woman sitting on the couch, that's it" :)

 You can also use your teachers as your own story, projection. In this way that is another possibility to see your own truth. For instance:"he shall give me awakening" turns into:"I shall give awakening to myself" ect. She was talking a story how for seven years people would come to her and wanted to be healed, would touch her and then came later after some time, but she didn't like the part which says:"I will heal you" and the idea that people belived it. So, in the work you can see that it is more like "I heal myself". Then responsibility is in the right place. When I was listening to those sessions I had much movement in the body of energy, close to the end there was some really heavy woman who was kind of terribly frustrated and screemed while doing the work, but at the same time you could feel how everything is leaving her and how slowly stone is falling from her heart.

        lots of Love :)

 

Aware Sleep

 Photo by: Lepiaf.geo 

 Last night was kind of strange in a sense that I was almost all the time aware during the sleep and I didn't do anything, it was just the action of Energy in the body and that created the situation where I was aware. But, there were no horrors, just kind of strange state. This time movement of that Energy was balanced and there was nothing to be afraid of, at its worse it was a bit uncomfortable if you belived that you must sleep ect. During the day before sleep I was listening to some more Byron Katie, it was nice session about husbands and what they apparently shoudn't do. At times it was really funny, like "I lost that money", Katie comments:"than I am spared" :) She was saying that when there is light, darkness can't hide and fear dissolves, that's like putting awareness to the fearful thoughts and seeing that they are just thoughts and not reality. At other time somebody was reciting that beautiful prayer of Sint Francis. Quite moving. Then they discused somebody beating the child and the question was "in that situation, what's the worst position here? who would you righter be, child or the one beating?" People righter agreed that the worst was to be the one beating and from that understanding came instant compassion. Thanks Katie :)

      be the Love

  

Working Outside

Photo by: Katmere 

 I was just shoveling off snow to clear path to our house. Sky is today quite clouded, but it is relatively warm and air outside is fresh. After working a bit I got somewhat tired, but it was enought to rest one minute and I could continue, it was nice exercise to feel the movements of hands and legs, to breath fresh air, to listen to some birds. Then in certain point my neighbour, some old lady came out of the house and we had some chat, in certain sense it wasn't important what she was talking about, but the sense of communication, the sense of being here together was. That was my feeling anyway, then came a granchild of my other neighbour. She is very kind, cheerful and beautiful girl of about 14 or 15 years old. I said hello and was watching as she was entering the house of her grandmother. It turned out that she went out after a while to make shopping for her granny. Sweet, isn't it? And then after some more shoveling granny itself came out of the house and I had some chat with her, she was asking about my Mom and how are we heating our house, I explained that we just bought some more coal, but nonetheless my parents want some more wood, because it gives nice, warm atmosphere in the kitchen. And again I had the same feeling that it wasn't so much important what she was saying but her smile and sense of being here together was. It was really nice to shovel off this snow until it wasn't because I got really tired and stopped :)

 Then, even when I write it, althought maybe 2 hours passed, I feel sense of relaxation and enjoyment. So, some exercise, some movement, some grounding, some work outside is good for my (your's) inner peace. I guess, that's the case.

        take Care :)

 

Probably the End of Kriya

Photo by: Twoblueday

 hi :)

 I was doing yestarday morning surarshan kriya and felt quite good during the day, but then when it came to sleep there was a lot of energy and all my system seemed to be to much stired up. There was much movement all over the body energetically, some flashes of light and then I felt asleep, but I woke up around 3 a.m. and I had kind of dream where I was circling very fast in sort of spin of light or something, was quite scared and had a voice to eat something, went to kitchen and had two pieces of bread with processed cheese. Then somehow was able to fall asleep and had quite ok sleep. Despite that, I woke up with a little dizzines and still that feeling that energies of my body are too speed up and a bit shaky. So, after this event I decide to stop with doing sudarshan kriya. It seems that it is good but not so much for this body/mind type. Supose I have too much wind in the system and kriya even more stimulates that element then there is sort of out of balance situation. So, I am not saying sudarshan kriya is bad, but just that right now for this body/mind it is not the best approach and even probably harmful. From the eastern prectices it seems that yoga is more grounding and building some earth element, where you can walk on the earth with your two legs steady holding the ground. But here I must admit that I was never really particulary excited about it, so probably I just need to do some more movement when possible, like for instance today we have some snow to put away, to make space for the horse. And since I always liked to work with the mind and thoughts "the work" of Katie seems to be very simple and natural choice. On the other hand it is not necessarily true that you have to do anything at all, maybe there is no stressful thought any more and your (mine) work is done. Time will show. Hey, but we have heard that there is no time, hahahhahahahhaaa :)

            be the Love 

 

All Laws Are Perfect

Photo by: Throught Your Eyes 

 Listening again to Byron Katie, they were discussing the social activism and for instance changing the unfair laws. Surprising was what Katie said:"in my world, all the laws are perfect", I was thinking:"Can't it be that sometimes action of the Heart might want to change some old laws which we feel are not fair ect?". But, I understood what she meant when she said:"I mean, when you rely on any laws for your inner peace, you have a problem". And here I must agree with her, it doesn't mean that I might not take part in some activity to change some external rules, but I will not delude myself that I base my peace on this result. Some other interesting questions she has asked:"how do you know that you are?", "what does belief in reincarnation gives you?", "how do you know that floor is floor?". This questions might be a bit puzzling at first, but because of their freshness, they have certain strenght. I found that they help me to notice some beliefs that I might not be aware of and question them. Then was another nice statement: "you are my projection", I belive that you are successful, happy, sad, talented, stupid ect., all that is my projection. In reality you are projection of my inner world until you are not and I recognize mySelf everywhere and in everybody.

      love & Light

 

Krishnamurti Again

Photo by: Djordje

 

Finally I finished reading "Ending of Time" by Jiddu Krishnamurti, well that is his conversation with David Bohm, who was scientist. Jiddu is constantly repeating that human mind is not personal, and insight into the nature of reality happens, it doesn't happen to me or to you, it just happens. They were discussing the possibility of healing the mind and the brain, they kind of agreed that mind which has an insight will renew all the cells in the brain and that such a brain can live even 200 years. That seems very much like an idea which some yogis have shown to be true. Of course he agreed that length of life is secondary to the quality of life now. He was not giving any practice, more like "wait and see", which are the words I heard from Papaji. Personally (there is no person :) I belive that he was wrong here and that it was one big obstacle in transmission of his massage, but OK, people might argue about it. There was one nice methapor:"material universe is like a body of the universal mind" and in reality you are that eternal now which holds that. In some other place he said that ground exist which is totally imovable, which means that if all other things fall apart or change, this one "thing" is rock solid and will never wither. Another interesting point: difference between universal mind and the ground, he was holding a belief that the ground is even beyond the universal mind and that is similar to the Spirit and God in christian metodology, or Atma and Brahman in vedas. Other important words: attention, listening, understanding, willingness. When one gives all his heart, mind, all his being towards this inquiry then there is possibility to go deeper and deeper where true compassion, love, inteligence and peace exist. This would be like kind of very brief impression after reading this book.

      love & Light

 

From Darkness into Light

Photo by: A Chilling Soul

 

 Yestarday I finished listening to "Loving What Is"
 by Byron Katie, it was a gift indeed. The hardest
 part was when she was working with some
 women who was sexualy abused as a child.
 But, what inquiry has revealed was even more
 shocking. And it was, that on some deeper level
 she did it to herself because wanted to get love.
 That is pretty amazing to see what are we able
 to do for love. As long as we don't recognise that
 we are love and have everything, this kind of
 tragic search for love and approval can lead to
 many destructive behaviours. The woman agreed
 that the worst part of all that was not the penetration
 but the moment when the man left her alone in
 the car. Really heartbreaking. My prayer can be
 that we don't have to learn love in such extreem
 situations, but am I God to judge in his place?


        be in Peace

I need more money?

 

 Photo by: Pingu1963

 Today I started to do some work with "the work". And as Katie suggest it is the best to put it on paper because mind is very quick and will try again and again escape from inquiry. There were other thoughts, but this one with money seems to be so obviuous and so popular in western world that I had to try it again. Somehow I know, that I don't need more money, but on the other hand I live with my parents and they put a little pressure that I should make money to give my share to the bills. Seems quite obvious, isn't it? So, I did pursue this direction of inquiry, to find out what are deeper belives behind it and if it will have significance for me. The first question was answered in positive, second (are you absolutely sure about it?) not, maybe I can be sure in 98%, but not absolutely. And here is the space, I found that this belief creates tension and sense of never making it, sense of not being fulfilled and not being where you are. So, your peace and hapiness is in the future, when you will reach your goal, in this case - more money. It is pretty frustrating way to live.Who whould I be without this thought? Well, this is really amazing question, I found out that I don't know. For sure I will be more here and now, for sure there is unknown, for sure there is more happiness now. In this case turnaround is righter obvious:"I don't need more money". There was very little second when I felt intense joy, but that was so tiny that you might have tendency to abolish all this business. I did similar inquiry with:"I need to find job", because it is very similar to the first one, not identical, but very similar. Something very interesting surfaced, I am not even sure in which place exactly, but that I hold on to those thoughts because I am afraid of my father, afraid of his agression. This was a big surprise. We will see what comes next.

         love & Light

     

Amazing Turnaround

Photo by: Kaibara87 Yes, I was listening yestarday to Katie's "Loving What Is", next chapters. She was going there by details concerning "the work", there were few more conversations with people. But what stroke me the most was story of some man and his use of turnaround, he was a thief and drug user. What he did after learning "the work" was going to all the people he has stolen from and said who he was, what he did and that he wants to make it somehow right. Amazing was, nobody called police and most people said something like:"wash my car" or "paint my house" ect. He had list of all those people and after doing his duty he would put a sign next to the name and going next until his list would be finished. He said that all those works were "God, God, God". When I listened to this I felt kind of light entering my all body. I have it when I hear something inspiring, like when Sri Sri was talking about this institution for kids and how he took it on himself without knowing where the hell money will come form , than it was similar experience in the body. Then I was thinking how possibly I can use this idea in my own life? Are there areas where I still can make this kind of turnaround? This would be a bit different form of meditation you know          love & Light

He Should, She Should, They Should, It Should

 Photo by: Arash Behshadpoor

 This morning I had short sitting session, than came breakfast with my Mom, who was frustrated because of her husband who "should" be kind to her and not leave without saying where he left. So, I was listening to almost never ending complains, how bad he is, how imature he is, how unresponsible he is, how always he was like that ect. I was watching my own judgements about her:"she shouldn't be like this, she is sick, she has problem with herself ect." Since that is not a first time I encounter similar behaviour I was trying just to be the space of awareness for all this, not to argue with her, not to judge her verbally, althought I noticed it was kind of impossible for me to stop my inner judgement. After while there were moments of awareness and she catched herself like:"oh, I am doing this again, I shall stop ect." But, since here the habit is very strong mind has a tendency to go back to it. After some more time I noticed I felt really discomfortable with listening and escaped to my room, I noticed also that most of the time I was avoiding eye contact with her. Despite my good intentions unconsciusly I was isolating myself and avoiding her, her heavy complains ect. Few days ago I got CD's from my friend Ela and there is one with "Loving What Is" of Byron Katie. Since I was dreaming about Katie next day after I got the CD's I thought:"It might be a good idea to listen again to her", this morning occurence was so much similar to this what she is talking about. And I did listen to the the first chapter, again went throught the trills of her own awakening and by some inspiring stories of healing. Somehow I feel tired to do the work, but if I feel that my Mom should do it, then perhaps it is time to do it myself :) And when it comes to reality we have now so much snow here, the biggest snowfall ever in Pcim, ever I remember, looks so amazingly beautiful and mysterious, for some it is also a reason to do "thework", hahhahahahahaaa :)

           Love & Light

 

Meeting the Judge

 

 Photo by: Kradlum

  I met yestarday my old friend from the chess club and it has happened so, that he is now a judge. Nothing happens by coincidence right? Well, my motivation was to help my brother who had some problems and questions regarding law. It is also true, that I was courious what he is doing nowadays, how his life unfolded ect. And he has a twin, which quite amazingly is also a judge but in some other city. It turned out that he became very religious man, his pathwas traditional catholic way. He said it helped him a lot and now he goes every day to church and his faith is alive. He had many points in common, however I could feel his gentle resistance towards my more eastern point of view. Maybe not even point of view but experience and path, I said that I meditate regulary, that God did change my life completely and this is deepening somehow. But, he saw differenciationbetween meditation and prayer, for me it is the same in a way. Than he was quite dogmatical that Truth can only be found in catholic religion, that is definitely dangerous point, but I can understand that this is his direct experience and he somehow holds on to this. If he is more peaceful and happier, that's fine. And somehow I felt that it is the case for him. But still I felt his gentle pressure and willingness to argue his rightness, I wasn't really interestred in this, close to the end of the meeting I was a bit tired from listening and trying to find some common ground, at times I felt him in the belly. But at other times I felt the presence of silence between us and that was wonderful. Sadly it turned out that he will not be able to help my brother, he helped only in so far as claryfying certain points, which were maybe not so clear before. I gave him hug at the end and we parted in sence of gratefulnes, togetherness. Whatever is someone's path it is better to seek common ground and unity that differences and arguments, after all Love can't be different and every heart can recognize Its presence.

         be the Love