Just Watching

 

  
 Yesterday we were with my Mom in Cracow,
 we went inside shopping center and my first
 reaction was: "I don't like it", but I was observing
 that and discovered that perhaps that's part of old
 conditioning. I just starded to watch people's faces,
 because in our Pcim I see very little folks, so that
 was a chance, possibility. I put my glasses on and
 started to be really attentive to visual perceptions of
 humans, especially faces. After while it was so addictive,
 I was in a kind of bliss, like all this seemed to be so
 beautiful, I noticed that I was afraid of eye contact,
 just like I didn't want to be kind of obtrusive, but on
 the other hand there was something magical in looking
 at people without fear and concerns, just really seeing
 what is there without belief in anything. My bliss was
 kind of stopped when some young man came and asked
 us for the meal, he had a bit aggresive aura but my Mom
 gave him anyway some pennies, I didn't have anything
 of cash. He started to talk something about himself, that
 he was in prison and before that in seminar for 14 years.
 We looked in each others eyes but I felt still some fear
 inside myself. None the less I in a friendly gesture
 holded his hand and wished him all the best. He was
 with some girl and she called him to go, and finally he did.
 My Mom didn't belive what he was saying, I did partly.
 She said that still she always gives them something if
 she can because it is already quite a humilation for
 somebody to ask in this way and she honores that.
 I thought: this is a very delicate way to look at this,
 but still in some situations perhaps I wouldn't give.
 But I can't define it really, it is just a matter of the heart,
 you feel it or not.


        lots of love :)